Ideal Husband Mystery Solved (thanks Sue B)

While creating Husbands, God promised Women that good and ideal Husbands would be found in all corners of the world.

And then he made the earth round.

Tags: husbands, Meltdown

End of Summer Someecards

Moan Material (thanks Debby)

What do you get if you divide the circumference  of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi. 

I do not like broccoli. And I haven’t liked it since I was a little kid
and my mother made me eat it. And I’m President of the United
States and I’m not going to eat any more broccoli. -  George Bush, [...]

How Was YOUR Day 3 (thanks Ron) HAPPY LABOR DAY!

Answered Prayers (thanks Susan)

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.
Nancy stood and walked to the podium. She said, “I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Bob, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn’t know [...]

Where’s Dinner? redo (thanks Susan)

A group of 15-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Dairy Queen next to the Ocean View restaurant because they had only $6.00 among them and Jimmy Johnson, the cute boy in Social Studies, lived on that street.
10 years later, the group of 25-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at [...]

How Was YOUR Day 2 (thanks Ron)

THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, redo (thanks Jerry and Michele)

FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:
1. DON’T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON’T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.
2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.
3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
5. I WENT TO A [...]

Larry Says …. (thanks Michele)

 
Larry watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. ‘Why do you do that, mommy?’ he asked. ‘To make myself beautiful,’ said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. ‘What’s the matter, asked Larry ‘Giving up?’

The math teacher saw that Larry wasn’t paying attention in class. [...]

Mistaken Menus 2 (thanks Alice)