Author of "after the beep"
An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light. The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, ‘What kind of car ya got there, sonny?’
The doctor replies, ‘A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!’
‘That’s a lot of [...]
1. I’m currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.
2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
3. [...]
Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don’t fret about it…
She moved in with me.
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Looking back over the years that we’ve been together,
I can’t help but wonder…
‘What the hell was I thinking?’
@@@@@@@@@@@@
Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?
mmmmmmmmmmmm
I’ve [...]
A biker was riding by the zoo, when he saw a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage. Suddenly, the lion grabbed her by the cuff of her jacket and tried to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumped off his bike, ran to the cage and hit the [...]
She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:
Dear Grand-daughter,
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a “Honk if you love Jesus” bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed [...]
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Drunks Get 9 Months in Violin Case
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
Miners Refuse [...]
A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles in a year.
Another study found Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.
That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon.
Kind of makes you proud to be American.
Visit www.afterthebeepbook.com and buy some fun [...]
Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it. If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.
The boys’ mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he [...]
A plane leaves Los Angeles airport under the control of a Jewish captain. His copilot is Chinese. It’s the first time they’ve flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike. Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto pilot, leans back in his seat, and [...]
One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, ‘Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!’
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn’t let such a comment go unrewarded. The next morning the husband [...]
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Meltdown: I Need a Plan
Romance novel? Sort of. Depiction of corrupt corporations? Partly. Self-compiled journal of a foreign citizen who lands in one American predicament after predicament, works in astonishing environments, and has racy relationships from coast to coast?
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