Author of "after the beep"
Some doctor on television this morning said that the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.
So I looked around my house to see things I’d started and hadn’t finished and, before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of shhhardonay, a [...]
Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place. Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the heck — they don’t serve food anymore, so what’s the loss?
The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a ‘party atmosphere’ going in the cabin. And, of course, [...]
1. This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)
2. Oysters’ balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)
3. If you are surrounded by ocean you are an island. If you don’t have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Wayne, age 7)
4. Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big [...]
I was depressed last night so I called a lifeline. Got a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
Visit www.afterthebeepbook.com and buy some fun today!
Kathleen
Two Good Old Boys sittin on the front porch lookin for somethin to do, and they decide to play 20 questions.
So, the first GOB thinks of a word, “muledick”.
The second GOB asks, “is it some thing you can eat?”
To which the first replies, “I guess you could if you had to.”
“Is it muledick?”
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Two GOBs are [...]
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: ‘Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.’ So I headed to the site of my demise: the [...]
I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, ‘Hi! I’m Belinda!’ This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, ‘All I need you to do is step into this room right there, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?’
I’m thinking, ‘Belinda, try decaf. [...]
As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, remember:
1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It’s called ………. ‘Ministers Do More Than Lay People.’
2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
3. The difference between the Pope and your boss, the Pope only expects you to kiss [...]
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
‘Is there anything breakable in here?’ asked the postal clerk.
‘Only the Ten Commandments. ‘ answered the lady.
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A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of [...]
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, [...]
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Meltdown: I Need a Plan
Romance novel? Sort of. Depiction of corrupt corporations? Partly. Self-compiled journal of a foreign citizen who lands in one American predicament after predicament, works in astonishing environments, and has racy relationships from coast to coast?
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