Author of "after the beep"
As today is Halloween, it is worthwhile to remember a few simple rules to help keep this season healthy, happy, and SAFE!! Please use these helpful hints this and every year.
1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it’s really dead.
2. Never read a book of demon summoning [...]
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: “I have a question to ask, but I don’t want to offend you.” She answers, “My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old [...]
Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. [...]
A Catholic Priest, an Indian Doctor, a rich Chinese businessman and an Italian from New York were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them.
The Italian from New York fumed, ‘What’s with those jerks? We’re waiting fifteen minutes between shots!’
The Indian Doctor chimed in, ‘I don’t know, but I’ve [...]
Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies. Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C. Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system. Walk for at least an hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc. Wash your hands often. If you can’t [...]
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are ” XL.”
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
The older you get, the tougher it is to [...]
I knew someone would come up with a name for the current election process:
ELECTILE DYSFUNCTION
…. The inability to become aroused over any of the choices put forth by either
party in the 2008 election.
Find arousal by shopping at www.DubLi.com/8976493
Normally I avoid discussing any advice regarding buying or selling of stocks, but I felt this is important enough to share and warn you, since this explosive situation might prove to be yet another ENRON. Please review any holdings you might have in the following stocks: American Can, Interstate Water, National Gas Company, Northern Tissue [...]
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from … So he says, ‘Do you know me?’ To which she replies, ‘I think you’re the father of one of my kids.’ Now his mind [...]
* When you are sad — I will jump on the person who made
you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on Mountain Dew!!
* When you are blue — I will physically try to dislodge
whatever is choking you.
* When you smile — I will know you are plotting something
that I [...]
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Meltdown: I Need a Plan
Romance novel? Sort of. Depiction of corrupt corporations? Partly. Self-compiled journal of a foreign citizen who lands in one American predicament after predicament, works in astonishing environments, and has racy relationships from coast to coast?
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