Author of "after the beep"
A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she’s in dire financial straits. She’s desperate so she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray…. ‘God, please help me. I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well. [...]
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn’t paid for them. Hellloooo, just because I’m BLONDE doesn’t mean that I am automatically [...]
One day last week God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on. So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time. When he returned, he told God, ‘Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% [...]
One day an Irishman who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, “It’s certainly not a ship.” And, as the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out the possibilities of a small boat or even a raft.
Suddenly there emerged [...]
Two Ivy League college girls, one Protestant, one Jewish, share a dorm room together. The Jewish girl tells the Protestant girl she is going home for Rosh Hashanah. The Protestant girl says “Oh, that’s the one where you light 8 candles.”
The Jewish girl says “No, that’s Chanukah.”
The Protestant girl says “Oh, then that’s the one where [...]
We all get heavier as we get older because there’s a lot more information in our heads. So I’m not getting fat; I’m just really intelligent and my head couldn’t hold anymore so it started filling up the rest of me.
That’s my story and I’m sticking with it.
Here’s another story –Jim Weathers needs help, money, and [...]
There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother
2. He liked Gospel
3. He didn’t get a fair trial
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father’s business
2. He lived at home until he was 33
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin, and his Mother was sure He [...]
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people said in court, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were [...]
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was [...]
Lesson 1: A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to [...]
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Meltdown: I Need a Plan
Romance novel? Sort of. Depiction of corrupt corporations? Partly. Self-compiled journal of a foreign citizen who lands in one American predicament after predicament, works in astonishing environments, and has racy relationships from coast to coast?
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