Author of "after the beep"
Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.
Each day you’ll find that you can hold [...]
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If You Can Read This, I’ve Lost My Trailer
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Horn Broken … Watch For Finger
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The Earth Is Full – Go Home
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I Have The Body Of A God – Buddha
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Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
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Illiterate? Write For Help.
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Honk If Anything Falls Off
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Cover Me, I’m Changing Lanes
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He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost, But Miles From The [...]
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike, ‘My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I’d better see a doctor.’
‘Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money,’ Mike replies. ‘There’s a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what’s [...]
A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks, ”Bartender, got any specials today?”
Bartender answers, “Yes, as a matter of fact we have a new drink, invented by a gynecologist patron of ours. It’s a mix of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and Smirnoff Vodka.”
The guy asks, “Good grief, what do you call that?”
The bartender [...]
1) A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn’t getting many. Then he discovered the problem. A twelve-year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand-painted sign, which read ‘RADAR TRAP AHEAD.’ The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading ‘TIPS’ … and a bucket [...]
Seriously, there are only two things needed to drive effectively in NJ: A horn and a middle finger. Everything else is superfluous, including knowing where you are going. For those of you who live in Jersey or have lived there, these things may come as no surprise. For those who haven’t travelled there before, Beware, [...]
A little old lady is sitting on a park bench in a Florida adult community. A man walks over and sits down on the other end of the bench.
After a few moments, the woman asks, “Are you a stranger here?”
He replies, “I lived here years ago.”
“So, where were you all these years?”
“In prison,” he says.
“Why [...]
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, ‘Hello.’
‘Mrs. Sanders, please.’
‘Speaking.’
‘Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor James at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband’s doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either [...]
A blind man wanders into an all-girls biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the server, ‘Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?’
The bar immediately falls silent. In a deep, husky voice, the woman next to him [...]
The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the building standing–its called the stock market.
Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wal-Mart Street.
The difference between a pigeon and an investment banker–the pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.
What’s the difference between [...]
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Meltdown: I Need a Plan
Romance novel? Sort of. Depiction of corrupt corporations? Partly. Self-compiled journal of a foreign citizen who lands in one American predicament after predicament, works in astonishing environments, and has racy relationships from coast to coast?
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