Author of "after the beep"
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, ‘Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me [...]
A Cowboy walked into a drug store in Wyoming and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist and as she and her sister owned the store, there were no males employed there.
She then asked if she could help him. The cowpoke said that it was something that he [...]
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney. ‘Did you see the paper?’ asked Gallagher. ‘They say I died!!’
‘Yes, I saw it!’ replied Finney. ‘Where are ye callin’ from?’
FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (a blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said ‘How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here!’ and hung up. The husband said, ’Who was that?’ The wife said ‘I don’t know, some woman wanting to know if the coast [...]
Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Detroit. In order to increase sales, she decides to allow her loyal customers – most of whom are unemployed alcoholics – to drink now but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans).
Word gets around about Heidi’s drink now pay later [...]
On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction. After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man and wondered [...]
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of high way when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye … It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES
He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought. Soon he sees another sign which reads:
SISTERS OF ST. [...]
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol [...]
I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus. Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one. It appears to mainly affect those who were born prior to 1970.
Symptoms:
1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.
2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail.
3. Causes you to [...]
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: ‘I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.’
Priest: ‘Are you sorry [...]
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Meltdown: I Need a Plan
Romance novel? Sort of. Depiction of corrupt corporations? Partly. Self-compiled journal of a foreign citizen who lands in one American predicament after predicament, works in astonishing environments, and has racy relationships from coast to coast?
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