Author of "after the beep"
The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse or Congress is this — you cannot post Thou Shalt Not Steal, Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery and Thou Shall Not Lie in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians … it creates a hostile work environment.
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters
‘C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.’
‘Can you read this?’ the optician asked.
‘Read it?’ the Polish guy [...]
Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio
“To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I’ve ever written.
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When [...]
Consider these quotes …..
“Half this game is 90% mental.” ~ Danny Ozark, former Philadelphia Phillies Manager
“I love California. I practically grew up in California.” ~ Dan Quayle
“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?” ~ Lee Iacocca
“The word ‘genius’ isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman [...]
MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE
by Osama Bin Laden
___________________________________
THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
by Bill Gates
____________________________________
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
by Dennis Rodman
_________________________________
AMELIA EARHART’S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
___________________________________
A COLLECTION of
MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
by Dr. J Kevorkian
__________________________________
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
_______________________________________
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
by O.J. Simpson
_________________________________________
When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public life, the British ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor. At the dinner table, the Ambassador’s wife was talking with Madame deGaulle: “Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and international scene for so [...]
Here is the Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter and supply a new definition.
The winners are:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid [...]
Little Austin was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He’d been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her,’ Grandma, what’s that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the [...]
159 years ago this fall.. back in 1850 California became a state.
The people had no electricity.
The state had no money.
Almost everyone spoke Spanish.
There were gunfights in the streets.
So basically nothing has changed except the women had real boobs and the men didn’t hold hands.
* If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. ~ Jack Lemmon
* These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow. ~ Sam Snead
* While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake. ~ Henny Youngman
* You can talk to [...]
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Meltdown: I Need a Plan
Romance novel? Sort of. Depiction of corrupt corporations? Partly. Self-compiled journal of a foreign citizen who lands in one American predicament after predicament, works in astonishing environments, and has racy relationships from coast to coast?
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