Author of "after the beep"
On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson asked my son the question. ‘Dad, I know that babies come from mommies’ tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?’ he asked innocently. After my son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust. ‘You don’t have [...]
While I sat in the reception area of my doctor’s office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the receptionist’s desk, the man sat there, alone and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his [...]
Always keep several get well cards on the mantle…
So if unexpected guests arrive, they will think you’ve been sick and unable to clean.
Read other tips, not of a household nature, in ‘Meltdown: I Need a Plan”
An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
“I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.”
When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having [...]
(10) Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.
(9) Directions to your doctor’s office include “Take a left when you enter the trailer park.”
(8) The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles
(7) The only proctologist in the plan is “Gus” from Roto-Rooter.
(6) The only item listed under Preventive Care Coverage is “an apple a day.”
(5) Your primary [...]
Mr. G. Phillips , an elderly man from Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the [...]
Here are some more of those wonderful finds from newspapers.
Believe it or not, there are more coming!
On the first day, she sadly packed her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light; she put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound [...]
I don’t get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there’s no rehab for stupidity.
I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
If a woman tells you she’s twenty and looks sixteen, she’s [...]
You will love these actual excerpts from newspapers:
More coming soon!
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Meltdown: I Need a Plan
Romance novel? Sort of. Depiction of corrupt corporations? Partly. Self-compiled journal of a foreign citizen who lands in one American predicament after predicament, works in astonishing environments, and has racy relationships from coast to coast?
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