Author of "after the beep"
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.
I just couldn’t [...]
On the first day, God created the dog and said: ‘Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.’
The dog said: ‘That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years [...]
How do you make the number seven even? ….. Take away the s.
John: You have your shoes on the wrong feet! Willie: That’s impossible! These are the only two feet I have!
What goes on the table cut but is never eaten? …. A deck of cards.
What are 2 things you can never eat for breakfast? [...]
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica – where do they go?
Wonder no more. It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is committed to its family and will mate for life, [...]
I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted “Crazy” then he would tell me to take a few days off. So, I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.
My co-worker (who is blond) [...]
1. Nothing stinks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
2. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
3. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
4. MapQuest really needs [...]
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where a well known member of Congress happened to appear. The Representative took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.
‘Would you mind telling me, Doctor,’ she asked, ‘how you detect a mental deficiency in [...]
Note written by man taped for woman on the refrigerator door:
Someone from Gyna Colleges called.
They said the Pabst Beer is normal.
I didn’t even know you liked beer.
I saw a billboard sign that said:
NEED HELP?
CALL JESUS
1-800-005-3787
Out of curiosity, I did.
A Mexican showed up with a lawn mower.
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, ‘Mom, that lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!’
On the first [...]
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Meltdown: I Need a Plan
Romance novel? Sort of. Depiction of corrupt corporations? Partly. Self-compiled journal of a foreign citizen who lands in one American predicament after predicament, works in astonishing environments, and has racy relationships from coast to coast?
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