Honk? (thanks Mary)

Tags: honk, jesus, Meltdown, text

Random Thoughts (thanks Lilly)

Dyslexics Have More Nuf.

In Memorium
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week.   Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote “The Hokey Pokey”, died peacefully at age 93.   The most [...]

Tags: corduroy, dyslexics, Hokey Pokey, jesus, kleptomania, Larry LaPrise, Meltdown, schizophrenic, Tijuana, wine

Jesus and the Burglar (thanks George)

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said,
‘Jesus knows you’re here.’
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.
When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the [...]

Tags: jesus, Meltdown, Moses, parrot, Rottweiler

What’s In a Name? (thnaks Jim)

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said,

‘Jesus knows you’re here.’
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.
When he heard nothing more , after a bit, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled [...]

Tags: jesus, Kindle, Meltdown, Moses, parrot, Rottweiler

Need Help, Redo (thanks Darla)

I saw a billboard sign that said:  
 NEED HELP?
CALL JESUS
 1-800-005-3787 
 
Out of curiosity, I did.
A Mexican showed up with a lawn mower.

Tags: jesus, Kindle, Meltdown, Mexican

Redneck Special Forces (thanks Kriste)

The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF).
 These southern boys will be dropped off into Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists :
 1. The season opened today. 
2. There is no limit. 
3. They taste just like [...]

Tags: Dale Earnhart, Iraq, jesus, Meltdown, Pentagon, pickups, redneck, Special Forces

Divine Shopping (thanks Jim)

Jesus was wandering around Jerusalem when He decided that He really needed a new robe.  After looking around for a while, He saw a sign for Finkelstein, the Tailor.  So, He went in and made the necessary arrangements to have Finkelstein prepare a new robe for Him.   A few days later, when the robe was [...]

Tags: Finkelstein, Jerusalem, jesus, Jim Weathers, Lord & Taylor, tailor

God Laughing (thanks Michele)

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother
2. He liked Gospel
3. He didn’t get a fair trial

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father’s business
2. He lived at home until he was 33
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin, and his Mother was sure He [...]

Tags: American Indian, black, Californian, gospel, Irish, Italian, jesus, Jewish, Jim Weathers, woman

Little Johnny’s Christmas Request (thanks many)

Little Johnny wants a new bike for Christmas, his mom tells him to write to Santa. “Nah,” says Johnny, “Why talk to the monkey when you can talk to the organ grinder, I’ll go straight to the man upstairs.”
So Johnny writes a letter to Jesus, “Dear Jesus, give me a bike.”
When he shows it to [...]

Tags: bike, DubLi, jesus, Little Johnny, ransom

Kids in Church IV (thanks Darla)

3-year-old Reese :
‘Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name.   Amen.’
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy was overheard praying: ‘Lord, if you can’t make me a better boy, don’t worry about it.  I’m having a real good time like I am.’
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home [...]

Tags: Christian home, jesus, Our Father, seagull, trash baskets, trespasses